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You can find jokes on computers, doctors, rednecks, blondes, animals, lawyers, etc. etc. and you can also try our random joke generator. You can even search for a joke by keywords.

Gum and Chicken

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

Why did the gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!

Grand Delusions

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

French Patient

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

Four surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered," The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded," The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

But the fourth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable.

Dribble Martuni

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because...because I've got heartburn."

The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "You have your left breast in the Ashtray!"

Adopted Turtle

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Bad Drivers

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

A man is driving on the highway when his wife calls him on his cell phone. "Honey, be carful. I heard on the news that there is a car on the road driving the wrong way." To this the man replies, "One? Theres millions of 'em!"

Memory Test

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Breathe In Breathe Out

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

There was a blonde that went to the hair salon with headphones. Before the barber started cutting her hair she told him "Make sure not to knock the headphones off my head". So the barber was sure not to.

The next time, the blonde said the same thing "Do not knock the headphones off my head". The barber again, did what he was told. The third time she went, she told the barber again "Don't knock the headphones off my head", this time though, the barber accidentally knocked them off.

As soon as the headphones fell off, the blonde dropped to the floor unconcious. The barber picked up the headphones and listened, and this is what it said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...."

Computer Tech Support

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

Customer: I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type INSTALL, all it says is 'Bad command'

Tech Support: Ok, check the directory of the A: drive. Go to A:\ and type dir

Customer: here is a list of file names including INSTALL.EXE

Tech Support: All right, the correct file is there. Type INSTALL again

Customer: Ok. (pause) it still says 'Bad command'

Tech Support: Humm. The file is there in the correct place. It can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?

Customer: Yes, let me try it again. (pause) Nope, still 'Bad command'

Tech Support: (now really confused) Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says Enter?

Customer: Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key. Does that matter?

Priority Issue

by Jai Nischal Verma

dated 04-17-2006

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office.

The husband said,"I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I am in terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You are a brave man,"said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The husband turns to his wife and says,"Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is dear."